The English

Heh heh, after my little rant about the weather we are now looking forward to high 20's all week. Yay. And since that means the English are all out and about, turning themselves into lobsters, I've decided that I should take time out to comment on their mysterious ways.

Uniformity. Why have variety when you can have all fences the same? Houses built in bulk. Cars all the same. Villages all the same. High streets all the same. Bill Bryson commented that the English would have made good communists with their thrifty ways and love of uniformity, and the longer I am here the more I agree. He also commented on the uniformity of the shops, how every high street was the same: Boots, Tesco, WHSmith, etc. I thought he was just ranting at first, because a lot of those stores are very useful. But I am really starting to miss the diversity. It is there, but you have to really hunt for it. I got really excited on Saturday when I finally found a fish monger in Reading. The seafood selection at Tesco is basically cod and salmon. Their concept of international food also sums up some of my battles: half an aisle, including indian (95%) and mexican (5%). That is where they keep their rice, one type of coconut milk, one type of curry paste etc... Shopping now extends beyond the local superstores to Piccadilly for asian groceries, Guildford for vegies & some asian food markets and Reading for fish.

Gravel. The English love gravel for driveways & "gardens". I agree it is low maintenance but again with the uniformity & thrift. Only properties over £300k bother with brick paving, but invariably they will have a gravel area too.

Soft toys. Most of the houses we have seen have been DIY disasters (or at least mishaps), and very poorly presented. One of the things that bugs me the most is the large collections of sizable soft toys. One house had a snowman theme. There are a million home improvement shows on, which state very clearly and very repetitively: if you are trying to sell you house, finish those little DIY jobs, decorate in a neutral way, do up the garden and remove your personal effects.

Twins. I know girls everywhere like to dress alike, and some would even say that is what fashion is, but it is a bit ridiculous here. Friends will be wearing exactly the same thing. And on a hot day there appears to be a uniform - micro denim skirt, baggy cotton shirt, large belt and thongs. The hand bags all match too, but I can't describe them.

The food. It isn't true that the English food is crap. They do excellent food, so long as you love stodge and you want it 24/7. Once again it comes back to variety - why bother when cod & chips is good for all seasons? I must admit that I am impressed by the vegetarian options, although why so many meat substitutes?

Why would you come here? And finally, one of the things that is starting to jar, is the uniform response to finding out we are Australian: "Why would you come here?". I've never met a culture which has such a low opinion of what it has to offer. Fair enough the weather isn't great here, but unsuprisingly, we didn't come for the weather. And yes we can survive without daily barbeques. Or maybe it is a reflection on their perceptions of our culture, built up through the Bondi to Byron backpacking holidays, that they think we are all beach bums.